28 July 2006

Friday Quotes

Fridays are the best days for quotes than other days.

Bobby: Dan Adam you know about my Condoleeza Rice fetish
Me: Dear God
Adam: I didn't need that!
Bobby: So if you ever find her panties on Ebay I'll buy them, I'd sniff them.(he was laughing this was at least partially joking)
Me: Dude, they're boxer briefs!

From a totally seperate conversation about Conrad being late, and Stuart had joked he was out partying, somehow we got into our heads that he was at a rave.

Me: Can you picture Conrad out there with the glow sticks?
Bobby: No not unless they were made of suasage
Bobby: I can sort of picture him at a rave in a giant oscar meyer weiner suit.

27 July 2006

Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition

This is one of those days when I need humour more than anything else. Steve the sales manager and all around solid guy is in town and I am trying to get the CRM installed this week to review it with him. Unfortunately I am very popular. I am currently on the phone with a customer who requires an extraordinary amount of hand holding its disturbing to think she runs the network at a large company. I mean this is moronic. It's just been a annoyingly weird week and painfull in a lot of ways painfully strange. I would explain the weird ebay story i have that involved being threatened with a law suit only to have his employee calling me in tears to beg me to remove my negative comment, but I'm just to exhausted from it to go into further detail. I also will have a post of some substance for tomorrow. But today there was a Spanish Inquisition quip which kept me from hurling myself over a bridge.

“NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.”

24 July 2006

Le Weekend

So Steve got in around 11 on Friday, we shot the shit and played a quick game of settlers, a quick game that I won and then swam some laps in the Qualcomm pool. It was good just shooting the shit and you forget how close you are with your friends until you don’t see them for 3 months. Steve also brought me my new copy of Mac Office:Pro. Thank God for his Microsoft discount it came in at $70 and included on top of the usual office suite a copy of Virtual Pc for Mac and Windows XP Pro. Really sweet deal because all told that package is $450.

Saturday we got up early and decided to head downtown for Comicon. I’m not really a fan of the geek arts but there was a big Simpsons display and Ray Bradbury was speaking. Plus I do have a semi geeky connection to his novel “I Sing the Body Electric”, 10 points if you know why. The lineup to get in took an hour and a half and was over a mile long. Add to this the fact that it was roughly 110 degrees downtown so we decided to skip it. We took Steve around Seaport Village and past the midway and back home. Home included a quick change of clothes and then off to the beach for some body surfing. Steve was a natural and caught his first wave. That night it was off to Fidels for dinner and then back home for a surprise anniversary party for Mike and Jenn. MMM Extraordinary Desserts white chocolate cake yum yum.

Sunday we got a late start on the day, headed to IHOP and had breakfast. Steve had to fly out of Santa Ana so we didn’t have much time knowing he would have to leave around 5. So we decided to hit up La Jolla cove to do some swimming with leopard sharks. It was too packed so we decided against it. However, we did have the boards in the car so we headed to Black beach to see what the waves were like. I had heard a lot about Blacks Beach mostly from surfers. There is something about the massive size of the waves there as well as the fact that it is very secluded. It requires a 15 minutes walk down the side of a very steep path to get to. The beach itself is lovely and the waves are amazing. We didn’t have much time so we caught a few waves and hiked out. The hike is a disgusting vertical incline which really exhausts you after any amount of surfing.

Steve left for the airport and I went home to shower. Mike, Jenn, Steph and I decided to head to Solana Beach for some sushi at Nobu. It was the best I’ve had since I got out here.

Here are some pictures of my bedroom.

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my bed and my biggest moment of buyers remorse sitting on top of it. For the record I have named the new laptop 'rosebud'. i know its unorigional as hell

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bookcase that mostly holds anything but books and largely my beauty care products like the assortment of designer colognes I have. you can also kinda sorta see my orchids.

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Insert desk here

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hallway and yes thats my beach towel. the beach is a life sucking force i spend all of my time trying to get there

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please note the small ass size of my closet. when i cam down here i only brought three weeks worth of clothes, now with rebuying the damned things almost full again

20 July 2006

Culture of Entitlement

The last few days have been fairly uneventful, just going through the motions more or less. I have also found out that my old company isn’t doing so well. A former coworker of mine told me this, and although it makes me grateful I left when I did I am also very sad to hear of it. Although my old boss and I fought constantly while we worked we got along very well outside the office and still do to this day. Also I was with that company 4 ½ years so I do feel a sense of loyalty to them that may be unwarranted. Still you never wish that someone loses their livelihood, it’s a terrible thing.

Moving along I was reading these statistics published by the San Diego Housing Commission. It’s interesting in that it lists the actual median cost for a home in San Diego at over $500,000, compared to real wages and household income being somewhere around $66,000 yearly. The report estimates that household income needed to afford a house at the median range in San Diego is $133,000 give or take. Now this is just staggering when you try to imagine how difficult it is to start a family or stay here.

The report also mentions a rather staggering thought that of all new homes being built the vast majority of them are higher end or luxury homes. How much longer can you mortgage your future to look flashy today? Hell people can barely afford the homes they’ve bought with the interest rates rising. Now granted I was never the best at saving money or being decent with it but being in San Diego has made me watch the purse string much closer. I want to pay off my remaining debt and then begin to look to saving for a home (not in San Diego of course). It’s amazing how quick one can get their finances together if you just stop spending money. We live in a culture so obsessed with having the designer things and the finer things in life without ever having to work for them. This is a problem that has slowly gotten worse over time to the point where 75% of my generation believe they will be millionaires before they’re 40.

The general sense of entitlement is almost staggering amongst people of my age and I am no exception. Granted I suppose I am lucky because for the most part my friends are all very hard working, down to earth, educated and successful. However, even they do not have the sky high expectations that most people in my age bracket share. I would be more than happy to have my own place that I paid for, I mean that’s the sum total.

In other news Steve is coming down from Seattle for the weekend. I really can’t wait to see him. I think I forgot how reliant I have always been on my close friends, Justin, Matthew, Chris, Steve, and Catherine. When one would not be around another would pick up the slack. So being out here on my own has been tough. Thank God for Mike and Jenn being here otherwise this would have been impossible. I am going to return the favour for Steve and go visit him and Chris in October up in Redmond.

18 July 2006

Strange look-a-likes

My life would have been made much easier if Adam had not told me that our boss bares a striking resemblance to Hermey the dentist from the Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer claymation. I can't stop laughing. the bastard

17 July 2006

Strict Machine

Well the weekend was full and eventful, well not entirely. Saturday was a lazy day, did some cleaning and got caught up on the fourth season of My Family. Hopefully I’ll get through it at some point this week so I can finally watch Tristram Shandy. I also need to order more Dylan Moran and Eddie Izzard stand up. Mike and Jenn were unfamiliar with half my Eddie Izzard jokes and they’ll need to see the movies before they start thinking that’s original material.

It was disturbingly hot all weekend so Michael and I have been indulging in late night swims which I am quite a fan of. I have been swimming laps a lot lately with the hopes of toning up much more as it’s a total body work out. I have to say though the lap pool at Qualcomm is really nice.

Sunday we hit up the designer outlets in Carlsbad. What can I say I needed some new threads, so I picked up two new pairs of Prada sunglasses, a new CK military styled jacket and a few shirts and some jeans at Ralph Lauren. I have to say the Prada glasses really up the whole Eurotrash factor.

I have also been contemplating buying a car. I am basically looking for something flash and insane. I’m making good money, I live in a warm climate and I’m single in my 20’s/ So it will defamatory be a convertible but I think I’ll surprise a few people with the actual car I chose. It’s going to be a few months before I can afford it because there is no way in hell I am financing it, not in this market.

15 July 2006

The Eurotrash is back

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random bytes

-Joe Strummer was right 'I'm so bored with the USA'

-Juicy track suits still make you look like white trash

-Boho chic has been dead for years let it go

-Even without the DH the AL is still better

-The AL East is still the best division in baseball

-If you lack a decent art gallery you're not a proper city

-English specialty shops have made my stay much more tolerable

-The novelty of outdoor malls still hasnt worn off

-Next weekend I am doing the nerdiest thing I have ever done, attending a comic book convention

-My Family sort of dies a little bit after Janey goes to Manchester but it's not nearly as bad as when Jeff left Coupling

-Rodeo drive shopping trip in two weeks

-I love my job

14 July 2006

Best Office Conversation Ever

Jim: Hey Dan how well do you know Sophos?
Me: Pretty well
Jim: Well enough to help out a semi retarded guy set it up?
Me: Sure who's the customer?
Jim: G****** Special School
*bursts of laughter around the office*
Jim: You remember this is the guy whose server caught fire.

12 July 2006

Oh California

My coworker Adam showed me a list he wrote when he was drunken one day. The list was essentially a series of complaints about living in Southern California. Adam being from Boston has higher expectations from a city. So in light of this I thought that I would post my own.

1) The Driving – Now I know this has been said to death and mentioned at great length but native Californians just can’t drive. They lie and try to defend themselves but the simple fact remains California is the Special Olympics of driving. Any change in barometric pressure is usually accompanied by an onslaught of accidents; these people hit the trees with greater frequency than Sonny Bono on a ski hill. Rain out here should be accompanied by the Benny Hill theme music then at least it would be comical.

2) The Food – Wrapping food in a tortilla shell that does not belong in a tortilla shell does not constitute fusion cuisine. The Mexican food here is fine but its Mexican food, we are not talking about the height of haut cuisine here. Personally I chose to believe that a ‘San Diego fish taco’ is some sort of code for a sea faring hooker who services military personnel fresh out of basic rather than a palatable food option. This is a state best known for homogenizing other cuisines (i.e., San Francisco Chinese and the California Roll) so I’m not sure what I should have reasonably expected. There is no place to get decent Chinese, or Indian take away and the less said about the sushi selection in this town the better.

3) The Women – Ok so I have since decided that the Beach Boys must have been on crack, or they were speaking of a class of woman that has since gone extinct. Sure the women out here are attractive, well in that sort of deeply homogenized way you would expect the bottle blonde with the beach body to be. It’s almost sad what a stereotype they are. I have met maybe 4 redheads since I moved here, I’m drying up. Now on the face of it there could be many worse things and you know that’s true. However, the one thing that pushes it over the top is the general sense of entitlement every girl I have met out here has. Whether they are aware of it or not they all expect the world to be handed to them on a silver plate with as minimal work as humanly possible. Every girl out here wants to be kept and if not kept lets say vastly subsidized by some sort of Adonis husband who rakes in the cash and is a caring compassionate husband and father by night. It’s almost staggering that I have yet to meet more women than Erin who seems to show any interest on making it on her own.

4) The Men – They aren’t exempt either. Maybe this is just San Diego but all of the ‘locals’, and I use the term sparingly as I have yet to meet one native San Diegan, but it seems like all the men are on this sort of semi permanent vacation. They seem to be less interested in actually living than how to weasel out of life faster to make time for the beach. I am now convinced that the beach is the greatest life sucking force known to man that drives everyone into living for it and it alone. Chivalry, what chivalry dude seems to be the order of the day.

5) Culture – What culture? This came up when we were trying to name 5 great California bands and I couldn’t get past 3 CCR, The Beach Boys and Janes Addiction.

11 July 2006

Racism shows itself again or The Tête Offensive

Experiences really have a great way of shaping you. Yesterday for example was the last piece of proof I needed to know that California and America in general will never be my permanent home.

I was waiting for the train yesterday as I always do; talking to a few of the cyclists I ride the train with every day mostly discussing the World Cup. I’m not sure when I noticed them but at some point they were everywhere. Those being the US border Patrol, which seemed odd because we were forty miles from the nearest border. They began summarily searching everyone who looked Latino, rudely barking orders and demanding information. Oddly enough the first thing one thinks with faced with a situation like this is how strikingly similar this looks to something one can imagine the SS doing. A large group of white men in authority positions pushing around a clear ethnic group. The imagery is frightfully similar.

A few of them were rounded up and placed in the back of squad cars while a second team decided to set up some sort of sting at the buss station across the road. One of the officers standing next to me at this point looks at me and with a certain degree of disgust that can only be described or understood if you’ve ever seen someone speak with true hate in their soul, says to me ‘fucking immigrants’. This was the exact moment when I realized that America wasn’t for me. Now granted I didn’t say anything because my Visa status is a touch on the complex side and I am sure there is little chance this authority figure with his tenth grade education would have been capable of understanding the subtle nuances of the NAFTA agreement. However, the smart ass in me wanted to verbally undress this thug with everything in my soul.

Granted they never asked me for identification or information at all, and why? Because I’m white. I have no doubt that had I been any colour beyond my burnt over lily white I would have had a problem. This was of course compounded on the train ride when I heard others voice their opinions about the issue. For some reason being white seems to allow them to see me as a safe confessor for their racial arrogance. It really astounds me to see these descendants of immigrants forget their past so quickly and rush to heap scorn on the backbone of their economy. It just disgusts me.

In other racial news it seems that there is more information on what Materazzi said to Zidane. Apparently according to several forensic lip readers (this term is still quite funny to me) it seems Zidane was called ‘the son of a dirty terrorist whore’. You know now I think I feel safe in saying that if this is true Zidane is totally justified. I don’t know that I would have been able to restrain myself from just head butting him, knowing my temper I would have likely driven cleat to throat when he was down. There is more information in this article on what transpired. They also discuss Materazzis various other attacks on Zindane during the match such as a nipple pulling incident.

10 July 2006

Weakest Winners Ever or Daniels last post about the World Cup

Now it has been said that to win the World Cup a team needs to be as lucky as they are good. This is undoubtedly true about most things in life; sheer talent does not live in a vacuum. This World Cup seemed to bring together a perfect storm for team Italy. While Italy was itself reeling from match fixing allegations that have rocked Italian football domestically, they seem to have created a big enough storm with this win that no one will care.

As I watched the game and even after with the outcome known a thought occurred to me, could Italy be the weakest side to win a World Cup in recent memory. This is by no means a slight against the Italians, sometimes luck is all you really need. World Cup history is spotted with such footballing perfect storms that have lead lesser teams to World Cup victories, look at Uruguay as a prime example.

Through out the World Cup Italy were thoroughly average not producing the flashes of a top flight team much less one worthy of winning a world title. There was of course the disappointing inability to put away a beleaguered and under staffed USA team who was 2 men down for the better part of the second half. Their victory over Australia was plagued by a terrible call that never should have been and once again brought up the question of diving. The Italians have long been known for their on the pitch theatrics and diving talents, in fact it’s something of a joke in international soccer circles.

The Italians dumped a beaten up Ukraine who had played their heart and souls out to beat Switzerland in their previous match. The Ukrainians on paper should have been no match for the Italians and on the day they weren’t. The German match was the first time you saw a glimmer of a team they could be in a very thrilling over time winner. They showed a great deal of strength and skilled play to get them past the Germans.

The final is another story altogether. The second half saw France dominate the Italians and to their credit the Italians didn’t dive as much. I was sure Zidane was going to win it with his head in the first over time but it was not to be. Then with the second over time came the stroke of ultimate luck that Italy needed to win. First Henry cramped up and had to be substituted and of course then came the incident, Zidanes head butt on Marco Materazzi. Now I could never justify what was done but I knew from the instant it happened that Materazzi had said something. Turns out that he called Zidane a ’dirty terrorist’. I am not entirely surprised by this, I am sure horrible things are said on the pitch every day and none of them lead to this but for whatever reason Zidane could take no more. It’s just unfortunate that he chose to end such a distinguished career in such an unfitting manner.

As for the penalties, that is the way it’s supposed to be done. A good number of people believe that it is a coin toss as to who wins it and that it cannot be practiced for. This belief is moronic. Sure penalties are a lousy way to lose a match and there is nothing great about it for goal keepers who bare much of the burden of it. This penalty session proved how it should be done. The Italians had clearly practiced for it and they took their shots perfectly despite some very good instincts by Barthez. Both the Italian and French penalty takers did so perfectly almost textbook in their execution.

This is life, the bad guys don’t always die and sometimes the best team doesn’t win. But then again this is why we watch the beautiful game, if we didn’t believe in luck and chance we would automatically assign Brazil the winners and be done with it until the European Cup.

On the whole it was a great tournament full of surprises and twists. I was a little disappointed that this time around it seemed wholly dominated by European teams. Hopefully this next go round in four years in South Africa will bring out some of the colour and talent of African football. I still long for the day when the African nations take their place at the upper table of football and are no longer content with making it to the knock out stages, plus it would be a nice change to hear a ref cursed out in Swahili rather than English, Italian, French of Portuguese.

On an interesting side note I found that Steve Nash and I share one thing in common, we are both Totenham supporters. I didn’t realise it but Nash played in the Spurs youth system.

07 July 2006

A day in the life, when nobody laughed

The sunburn is healing much faster than I expected, even if it does look like someone visited a biblical plague upon my shoulders. The long weekend was a great one for licking wounds. Especially given England crashing out of the world cup. I do have thoughts on this but I'll get to them later.

In a great twist on of my best mates Steve is going to be coming down to San Diego for a visit in a couple of weeks. He is coming for the massive Comicon on Saturday and then Sunday possibly the zoo and the beach. It'll be nice to see one of the horsemen again. I will have to return the favour and visit Seattle sometime soon. I'm sure I will as the twins are both up there.

Now on to the world cup and England's performance. Wayne Rooney is a hot head always has been, always will be. I sadly picture him going the same route as George Best, burning hot and bright and above all else fast. The red card he received was most likely justified and I hate people who second guess the refs calls. Some will turn in your favour some will not. Now that said I have always admired the way Rooney plays, he runs hard and plays flat out. The man never dives regardless of whether or not he should. This in my eyes makes him a very honourable player even if he sometimes doesn't get the calls he deserves. If Rooney had dove and gone down during that play he would have most likely not have gotten the card and had a penalty awarded in his favour.

Now as for Portugal I think they were slightly confused as to what the world cup is and what sport is played as instead of bringing a mens football club, they brought the womens diving team. This is to say nothing of that rapist Cristiano Ronaldo. I mean I know he was named after the father of trickle down economics and that in and of itself is a sin, but he is such an insufferable prat its disgusting. I have never been a great fan of him, while he is a capable player with great skill on the pitch it is match and surpassed by his abilities as a thespian. Lets face it he hasn't been playing football lately so much as he has been giving 90 minute performances of 'Madam Butterfly'. Portugal got more than they deserved.

As for the final I think I would like to see France win it, if for no other reason than to cap Zidanes beautiful career. Also it would make me feel better about Ireland getting bumped off by the eventual winners. ZiZou is unquestionably one of the greatest players of his era. He has a talent and a class on the pitch that makes him a natural leader and his presence in the footballing world will be missed.

04 July 2006

July 4th

I can hear the fireworks going off now but I think I have something of a cold from the brutal sunburn i got myself today. I have been shivering and chattering since I got in, and have been covering myself in aloe ever since.

The beach was packed but luckily Mike and Jenn found one stretch of virtually abandoned beach. Mike and I spent most of the afternoon body boarding which was a bit diffiult because there weren't really any waves it was mostly chop. However, the best part of the day was when Mike and I were out past the break waiting for some of the bigger waves. All of a sudden I saw something moving really quickly under the water. It was about 6 or so feet long and looked a little like a human body. Out of nowhere it popped its' head up and low and behold it was a sea lion. We followed it around as best we could and watched it dive and play in the waves. It was one of the most interesting experiences i have ver had. Well worth risked the almost asured pain i will feel for a few days.

OW

They're going to revoke my heterosexual club card for this

So the girls and I went to see The Devil Wears Prada. I am fairly certain that any glimmer of heterosexuality I may have had previously was shattered in their minds after that. Bah then again Erin and Steph are more like sisters anyways and I am sure to them I seem about as sexually ambigious as Elmo to them anyways. I just wanted pretty and Gisele Bundchen was in it. Lets face it I could watch Gisele sit around and look post modern in a Lars von Trier movie for four hours and enjoy the numbing in my ass and temporal lobes. Look I wanted to look at pretty things for a few hours and eat popcorn without the slightest stimulation of my pesky higher function brain.

The movie itself was a lot of fun, the clothes were even better. It had all the visual and style appeal of a runway show. It also made me miss the pace of life on the east coast. The world just seems to revolve on shorter rotations out there. I was also reminded of how dreadfully lacking fashion is on the west coast. That boho chic crap needs to be tossed. The freshest look to come from the west was either plaid flanel or the trucker hat. So you see what I'm up against here. But I'm not ragging on cali, at this rate i will have the perfect body by christmas and god help me I will fit into designer clothes properly again.

03 July 2006

this is what paradise feels like

I was still a little down over the results of Saturdays game and Matt and Vasco calling to taunt me didn't help. Sunday however, tipped the balance of the universe in my favour. I decided to call Matt and return the favour. Mike, Jenn and I decided to hit up Torrey Pines yet again for some much desrved beach time. The beach itself was packed which was to be expected. We got wise this time and brought the BBQ down so we could eat on the beach.

The waves were really choppy and strung which made for some great body boarding. There were a few 6 footers which made me wonder what the surf was like at Blacks Beach. Blacks is about a mile north of Torrey and is supposed to be one of the five best places to surf in all of North America. I see it every day on the train and it's always packed with surfers regardless of the time of day.

Once we were finished and thoroughly exhausted from getting tossed around like rag dolls in the surf we decided to head in to shore and fire up the BBQ. Ah yes hotdogs and beer on the beach at the end of a long day is amazing. This was only suprassed by the pod of dolphins that swam by. My assumption was that there were about 15 to 20 of them. It was a really great experience. It was just one of those moments when everything was perfect and I remembered why I moved out here