20 June 2006

Vampires might be a bit strong but

It’s all I can do to keep focused today between the June gloom which has returned and the England football match. My general malaise towards life is more or less extending this week. I’m not entirely sure what it is these past few days but I can’t commit to focusing on anything. My mind is just putting everything on trying to focus on work and I’m finally starting to feel worn down for the first time since I moved here. I suppose the adrenaline has finally washed away and I have now settled into a routine, one that involves a 6 am wake up call, but a routine none the less. Life has returned to the medium tedium that one expects it to once you’ve planted your feet for long enough.

All this aside I have been thinking a lot about where I want to be in five years and all of that. Once I am done my first major project we will be able to work from where ever we want provided it has an internet connection. So this gives me the ability to travel and move around quite a bit. As it stands I am considering moving back to Toronto at some point, not sure exactly when but I am certain it will happen. Now it is all down to disciplining myself and saving the money for a down payment on a house. Realistically it would take me two years to bank the 45k or so needed for a down payment on a place I want so that’s not happening but we shall see where we get with this.

Ultimately I would love to move back and buy a place in Yorkville but on my own that’s a little out of the budget right now. I figure something in the 275 to 350k is more reasonable for a starter condo. This more or less what I can afford plus condo fees, taxes, and increasing interest rates. I never realized what a sweet deal condos were in Toronto until I moved here.

Now make no mistake about it I love it out here, the weather is amazing and the scenery is gorgeous. However, I don’t think I would ever want to raise a family here. I have noticed since I arrived here that there is a wave of ignorance and racism that permeates everything. Now I’m not calling Americans ignorant or racist, almost every American I have met is actually no different than any other race of people I have met in the world. What I mean by this is that the mechanism in America is generally one of racist exclusionism and one needs to look no further than the current immigration woes. Now even my coworker Bobby who is the most sincerely patriotic American I have ever met here is kept out of the dark on a lot of world news and it’s not for his lack of trying. The problem is that living in America has a very insular feeling to it. The world outside only matters when something violent happens. For example Bobby was giving me a hard time about Canada not joining the war in Iraq. When I explained to him that we had most of our troupes in Afghanistan and were picking up the international slack caused by the war in Iraq he was shocked. No one had ever informed him of this, all he knew was what Bill O’Rielly and these other right wing pseudo fascists had told him.

I don’t blame Americans for their world views because as I said America is a very insular country, the world just lives in a bubble and September 11 did very little to change that. It’s not that people are willfully ignorant of geopolitics and the world around them it’s just that it’s not reported here. The mechanism of the media here is slanted worse than I have ever seen, the sort of Republic toadying jargon that gets passed off as news here is little more than a thinly veiled political advertisement for the ruling right. When all of your options are CNN, Fox News and MSNBC you are left with very little to no choice as to your media consumption. Ultimately there is something engrained in all of us that keeps us watching the 6 o’clock news. The problem is here there are no viable options, no real outlets for people to hear news and not constant editiorialising. I don’t see this changing and in this environment of jargon and jingoism I can’t see raising a family here.

Wow that was a long micro rant. I promise I am done I will not talk politics for at least 3 entries.

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